


The Snow Angel

by jillwritesthings



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Kids, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-03 00:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4079236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillwritesthings/pseuds/jillwritesthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after "the kiss", Jake and Amy are married with twins. Amy's the captain of the Nine-Nine, and Jake's working for the FBI. They barely have time for each other anymore and find themselves fighting their demons on their own. They want nothing more than to hate each other, yet they know nothing on this Earth could stop them from loving one another.</p><p>Inspired by Mike Patton's piece "The Snow Angel".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title & bio subject to change!!!! not my first fic, but first fic on AO3 and about jake/amy.

**2025**

 

She never wanted this.

She looked across the table and up at her husband. He looked like a fucking mess. His hair hadn’t been groomed in days, his glasses were dirty and slightly bent, and he had a layer of stubble covering his chin that simply did not fit his face.

She realized he was doing the same thing she was: looking down at his plate, forking around a crown or two of broccoli, glancing up at the other, then shifting in his seat and averting his gaze to the floor.

He wreaked of perfume that wasn’t hers, and she wanted to hate him.

He never wanted this.

He looked up at his wife and couldn’t help but think how gorgeous she looked. Her hair was disheveled, her face shiny with sweat, and her make-up fading.

He wished he could read her mind. If she had read his, she’d know he wanted nothing more than to break down, sobbing. He didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve his shit, and he knew it.

But she wouldn’t leave him, and for that, he wanted to hate her.

“Mom, why are you being weird?”

“Yeah, dad you’re acting kinda funny too.”

“What? Nothing’s weird, sweetie.” Amy reassured her 9-year-old daughter, Parker.

“Yeah, bud. Just finish your dinner; your mother worked very hard on this, and it's totally amazing.” Jake addressed Parker’s twin brother, Holden.

This was the first family dinner in months. It wasn’t going too well.

“Bullshit, you guys are fighting again.” Holden was going through a bit of a rebellious streak. He had eaten everything on his plate, except his vegetables.

“Language.” The two parents scolded simultaneously.

“He’s right..” Parker’s voice was small and intimidated; she hated to see her mother and father like this, and she could see right through their lies.

Parker and Holden were probably the smartest 9-year-olds in all of Brooklyn, which made their mother extremely proud. Holden had As in all of his classes, made friends easily, and was already showing promise as a basketball player, a trait neither parent could take credit for. Meanwhile, Parker was at the reading level of a 15-year-old and the math level of a 12-year-old. Her favorite show was Law and Order, and her favorite characters always managed to be the prosecutors, something that would make her one hell of a lawyer one day.

“We are not fighting. We just haven’t seen each other in a while, that’s all.” Amy flashed a smile that was only half genuine, and Jake returned the favor.

Ten years after Holt’s departure and Jake and Amy finally getting together, Amy had fulfilled her lifetime dream of becoming captain. Ever since Jake went to work for the FBI in 2020, before his age made him ineligible, the pair had grown incredibly distant. Amy knew Jake was living his childhood dream; Jake knew that this was always what Amy had wanted. They knew this would make them being together harder, but what they didn’t expect was the way the Federal Bureau of Investigation would harden Jake’s soft edges or the way the stress of perfecting her position as captain would give Amy these terrible migraines. But they had to be strong and stick together.. for Parker and for Holden.

Somewhere along the way, they got lost. And they couldn’t find their way back.

“Whatever, mom? Can I please be excused? I can’t eat this.” Holden said, stabbing his broccoli with the prongs of his fork.

“Holden, no. You have to ea—“

Amy’s speech got cut off by her husbands, “Yes, you can be excused. Go put your plate in the sink, wash up, and get ready for bed.”

“Thanks, dad.” Holden jumped from the table enthusiastically, plate of vegetables in hand.

Amy glared at Jake from across the table, and Jake couldn’t bring himself to meet her stare.

“Well, if Holden can be done, does that mean I can too? I ate almost all of my broccoli, I’m just full.” Parker proposed.

Amy simply sighed, and the girl took that as a yes before joining her brother in the kitchen.

When Jake’s eyes finally met his wife’s, he could barely recognize them. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he was getting a good look, there was something inside them. Fiery specks of jealousy and anger among muted streaks of depression. He felt his gut drop to his feet as a sudden wave of guilt rushed over him. He felt like he was going to be sick.

When the fire inside her had died down, Amy asked solemnly, “How was Dallas?”

“It was fine. Stolz is in the middle of interviewing potential informants. I’ll probably have to go back in a couple weeks.”

“Oh.”

There was a beat of silence as the giggles coming from their kids in the kitchen filled the dead air. Amy felt her lips curl up into a tiny smile for half of a second, and Jake felt even worse.

“How’s the 9-9? Any good cases going on at the moment?”

“No.” She lied.

“How’s Charles? Last time I spoke to him, must have been like.. 4 months ago. He was making some weird, Italian chee—“

“Just.. be quiet. I feel a migraine coming on and I’m.. I’m not in the mood for this. Whatever this is. I mean Jesus Christ, listen to us! We sound like cousins at a fucking.. family reunion. Just stop talking and listen to the kids you never see. They’re older. They’re changing everyday. They miss their father. And that reminds me,” Amy stood up, taking her plate and wine glass with her, “don’t ever talk over me in front of my kids again.”

Jake could do nothing but stare, gaping in astonishment. This was the worst she’d ever been.

“Close your mouth. Clean yourself up, take a shower. The kids’ new bedtime is 9, and it’s your turn to tuck them in.”

She turned, her ponytail flipping over her right shoulder, and joined her kids in the kitchen.

Once Jake had processed what’d come out of her mouth, he leaned back in his chair and wiped his face with his hands. He pressed his knuckles hard against his eyes, keeping his tear ducts from spilling.

When he watched his wife with their twins, he saw the same happiness she had when they were first born. When they said their first words (Parker’s: balloon, Holden: poop). When she got promoted to captain.

But when she was looking at him, it was like all of that instantly drained. Like he was a burden, a weight on her shoulders she couldn’t wait to shake off. And Jake hated himself for it. He smelled his shirt, which wreaked of Peyton’s perfume and an airplane bathroom, and streaked a hand through his growing beard. He was a fucking mess who hated himself for who he was becoming and who he’d turned his wife into.

Jake took Amy's advice and decided to clean up before tucking his kids in. In the shower, he threw up on himself. At first he thought this was because of the slightly expired egg sandwich he’d had for breakfast that morning, or the terrible plane food, or maybe even Amy’s mediocre cooking. But when he realized it was due to the 8 glasses of whiskey he’d consumed on the plane, he let himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know where this is going or where this came from but i started writing at 1am and now it's 4:30 so yep
> 
> sry if this is depressing as hell :/ but things will get better for them (hopefully)!! this is actually like the opposite of my general personality idk but i'm way more drawn to writing dramatic stories. also their voices/personalities are insanely different from how they are on the show, but i kind of attribute that to the 10 year gap and all of the shit they've been through (to be revealed!!). poor peraltiago. but i hope to have flashbacks of fluff, like that's probably gonna be some relief at some point in the story.
> 
> also as mentioned above - title/work inspired by a piece of music called "The Snow Angel" by Mike Patton. link: https://soundcloud.com/putjka/mike-patton-snow-angel-10-min 
> 
> :) thnx for reading and leave a comment if u have anything to say, love ya :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't know what FMK means it means fuck, marry, or kill. ya know. like the game. if you don't know what it is you're missing out.

** 2016 **

 

"Okay Ames, FMK: red, blue, green."

Amy started hysterically laughing, and Jake couldn't help but stare as her messy hair glowed in the sunlight coming in through the window. It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and they were still in bed. But they couldn't care less, they were on vacation.

"What?! It's not a joke, it's a serious question! You have to answer, babe." Jake demanded, tracing hearts on her collarbone with his index finger.

"How exactly does one fuck a color?" Amy stroked Jake's jawline while his head on her stomach. Butterflies stirred as she noticed things about him she'd never seen before. The freckle or two underneath his right eye, the indent his glasses left on the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, fine, fine," he sighed, "I have a better one: FMK James Bond, Jason Bourne, John McClane."

"Hmm.. which Bond?"

"Connery. Definitely Connery."

Amy had to contemplate her decision for a little while, but Jake didn't mind. He loved to watch her think because her nose wrinkled ever so slightly and the corners of her mouth turned up a bit as her eyes found the ceiling.

"Alright, I've got it. Fuck Bourne because he's Matt Damon, I mean c'mon. Kill Bond because he probably wouldn't be able to make me laugh. And marry McClane. I mean, yeah him and his wife hit a few rough patches, but at least he has kids. You know? Like he's more of a family man than the other two."

Jake was grinning from ear to ear when he said, "You analyzing the characterization of John McClane might be the sexiest thing I've ever heard."

"Oh yeah?" she giggled as his eyes met hers.

"Mhmm."

But they didn't act on it, because last night was tiring enough. Jake sighed, his head falling back on her stomach. After officially being together for a year and some odd weeks, she knew the difference between each and every sound he made. And that was the happiest sigh she'd ever heard.

"I only know so much about the movie because you made me watch it... remind me, how many times?"

He held up 7 fingers.

"Plus that time we watched half of it on the plane."

He added a pinkie.

His hands fell lazily and Amy tapped his cheek a few times, to keep him from falling asleep.

His eyes re-opened and he spoke, "You're a Peralta now, so you're kind of obliged to love every Die Hard that's ever been made."

"That's Santiago-Peralta, thank you very much. And Fargo is still a million times better."

Jake didn't even attempt to argue with her because he knew she would win. The heated discussion played out in his head, and he knew every response and every little point she would make. Not because they'd had this conversation before, but because _God, he was such a gonner_.

While Jake was occupied with his thoughts, Amy looked at his bare hands, arms, and back. To her, in that moment, he was perfect.

"Jake?" Amy started, "Can I ask you something?"

"Lay it on me."

"Would you ever get a tattoo?"

"Well, first I would get "kick ass" tattoo'd on my forehead." Amy rolled her eyes and scoffed, trying and failing to hold back her laughs. Jake continued, "and then I would get your face. Huge, all over my back. With the caption, 'that's my wife, biatch!' underneath so that everyone knows just how much you mean to me."

"Wow. Has anyone ever told you how romantic you are?"

"You do all the time, duh."

"Seriously, Jake. Would you?"

He had to consider his answer for a few seconds, but Amy didn't mind. She loved to watch him think because he sucked in his lower lip a little and his blinks got a bit slower.

"Honestly? Yeah. On the inside of my wrist," he pulled up his head and sat up, showing his forearm, "I'd get your initials at the top, and the little guy in there," he gestured to Amy's stomach, "his initials are gonna go right under yours."

She felt blood rushing to her cheeks as her smile grew, "Or girl."

"Or girl. And as our family grows, so will the list."

Amy's lips crashed on Jake's without warning, and they fell back onto the pillows. Moments later, Amy found her head on Jake's stomach.

"We should probably get up now. It's not every day you're surrounded by crystal clear water and white beaches." she suggested, only half meaning it.

"We probably should." he agreed half-heartedly.

They stayed in between marshmallow sheets, talking about movies and laughing at Jake's stupid jokes until the sun came down.

 

** 2025 **

 

Jake awoke with a start. His eyes were open, and he was definitely not dreaming; but he couldn't move a muscle. The clock on the wall said 5:24 and he wasn't sure wether it was AM or PM.

All at once, black clouds filled the room. Branches grew from the ceiling and impaled him, painfully spearing his insides. He couldn't scream, or even open his mouth, as the tree's limbs skewered his. Soon after, ravens descended from the clouds and began to pick at his flesh which was rotting at the bone. It suddenly started pouring rain.

As he endured torture helplessly, the clock ticked on. And at 7:16, the theatrics came to a crashing halt.

Everything that had been building up for the past hour and 52 minutes was released in a horrible, ear-piercing scream. He was shaking and sweating and he couldn't believe he was still alive. He was still screaming when Amy came running in, slamming the bedroom door after her. She crossed his arms over his chest tightly, and held him there. She shushed him until his screams died down and caressed his cheek with the knuckles on her left hand.

"It was just a nightmare. Just another bad dream." she whispered in his ear.

"No, Amy," he could barely speak, "the paralysis is back. The paralysis is back."

Amy didn't know what to say; it'd been years since an incident this bad. She kissed his temple and allowed one of her tears to fall in his hair.

Wiping her face quickly, she sniffed and said, "I have to take the kids to school. Take a walk, get some air. I'm sorry... I wish I could do something more, but you know I can't." she looked down at her watch before continuing, "They're going to be late, but we'll talk about this when I get back."

Amy left Jake sitting on the edge of their bed, his head in his hands. He couldn't believe how real it felt; he had to run his hands over his skin to remind himself that he was in fact still existent. He started with his ankles, rising to his thighs and chest. When he reached his forearms, he saw the six letters tattoo'd on the inside of his wrist. They were fading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this it was real cute and it got real dark fast 
> 
> also i actually barely remember die hard lol so i hope anything i said about it was right haha anyways thanks for reading and if you kudos/comment thank you so so so much you probably made my day. i'm always open to your thoughts questions or suggestions. 
> 
> don't know how many chapters there are going to be, but i have the next 3 planned and i have the last one planned as well. so ya xoxo
> 
> btw the beginning of the chapter i imagined them like on their honeymoon in bora bora or the maldives (my favorite place ever) or somewhere stunning like that !!


	3. Chapter 3

**2025**

 

It was a Saturday, the first Saturday in years where it was just Jake, Parker, and Holden. Amy was out of town for a work conference; it was only one night, but it was a considerable change in pace. Jake sat at the kitchen table, facing his two children who were waiting for breakfast. Parker patiently, Holden impatiently.

“Uhhh… you guys want ice cream?” Jake suggested, oblivious to the fact that it was 9:30am.

“YES!” Holden perked up at the mention of dessert.

Parker shifted uncomfortably in her seat, pushing her glasses farther up her nose, “Isn’t it a little early for ice cream?”

“Shut up!” Holden thought he was being discrete by whispering loudly.

“Holden, don’t tell your sister to shut up. She’s right.” Jake sighed, putting his face in his hands. His 9-year-old daughter was a better parent than him. “Okay, since there’s practically nothing good to eat here, why don’t we go out? We can make a day of it.”

The twins agreed with smiles, and hopped off their chairs to go get their shoes on. Parker wore a sweater and ballerina flats while Holden opted for flannel under his jacket and rolled up jeans. Jake couldn’t help but grin when he realized just how much they looked like their parents.

“Last one to the door is a rotten egg!” Jake shouted; he took advantage of the fact that he was closest to the door and beat them both. Which was probably why he shouted it in the first place.

On the subway, Holden asked his sister: “How does it feel to be a rotten egg?”

“Ugh, shut up!”

“Parker, don’t tell your brother to shut up. But he’s right, you are the rotten egg.”

The pair laughed into their father’s sides, an arm draped around each twin.

At the diner next to Central Park, the three were starving after the 45-minute commute to Manhattan. Because of this, Jake let the kids have more than they should’ve. Which would result in stomach aches later, but that didn’t matter. They were happy as could be stuffing their faces with chocolate chip pancakes, something Amy probably wouldn’t have let them have.

When Parker went to the bathroom, Jake attempted catching up with his son.

“So, how’s basketball going?”

“Fine.” Holden responded with his milkshake straw in his mouth.

“What’s the team record now?”

“Dad? Can I ask you something?” the boy said, finally meeting his father’s eyes.

“You can ask me anything, bud.” Jake's voice was laced with nerves.

“Are you back home now? Like, for good?”

“You know I wish I could be, but I have to go back to Dallas in a couple weeks. I know it’s a total bummer, but they need me there.”

Jake watched his son’s expression drop, and that wave of guilt washed over him again.

Holden’s voice was smaller when he said, “But we need you here, too.”

“I know, bud. I know.” There was a moment of dead air until Jake spoke again, “Until I’m back, can you do something for me? Look after your mother and sister. You’re the real man of the house.”

Holden nodded and smiled weakly. That was when Jake realized just how much he sounded like his father, right before he walked out on his family. Although he wasn’t necessarily abandoning his family, the fact that he could even draw parallels between him and his low-life father made him physically nauseous. But when his giggling daughter returned to the booth, Jake pushed that thought back to the farthest corner of his brain.

“So, you guys excited for the zoo? You guys haven’t been in like.. three years!” Jake was holding both little hands in his as the three of them made their way to the Central Park Zoo.

“Mom took us like two weeks ago.” Parker said matter-of-factly.

“Right, yeah yeah, right. I knew that. I was just joking, before.” Neither of his kids believed him.

At the zoo, Jake was only half listening as the twins argued about nearly every animal. The other half of him was somewhere else entirely: thinking about a case, or the crime rate in Manhattan, or Amy’s and his sex life. While the kids were watching puffins dive into pools at the Polar Circle, Jake felt his cellphone buzzing. He had two new texts from Peyton.

“miss u jakey!!” which was littered with kiss emojis, and “just found out i’m free tonight. wanna come over? i’ll do that thing you like ;)”

Jake finally put his phone away when he realized his kids had been tugging on his jacket for the past 5 minutes, begging him to take them to the Sea Lion feedings at 11:45. He watched them as they raced there while simultaneously glancing at the second hand on his watch. He was counting down the minutes until he got home so he could call her.

They left the zoo after lunch, and by 2:30, the kids were sound asleep in front of the TV.

After the fourth ring, he heard her voice on the other end, “Jakey!”

“Hey, Peyt.”

“So, did you get my texts?!”

“I did.”

“Can you come?”

“While that thing I like sounds really fucking amazing right now, I can’t. I have to stay with the kids tonight.”

“Well, what if I came there?”

“To my house? Where my children currently are?”

“Yep.” she was giggling, probably while doing something like painting her nails.

Jake was struggling to find a proper response before landing on, “No. Just no.”

“Ugh. You’re no fun.”

“I know.”

“Then why’d you call?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice, that’s all.”

“Aw! Jakey! Well, I have to go study for my economics midterm I have tomorrow. My professor’s being a total ass; I told him I was sick and that was why I had to miss like 7 classes. I got notes for like 5 out of the 7 days, but I’m still missing 2. So, I’m totally not ready for this, and he’s still making me take the midterm tomorrow. It’s complete bullshit, but I can probably get him to change his mind. I’m like his favorite student.”

As Jake listened to her babbling on, he couldn’t help but think that she was probably fucking her professor too.

“Really? That’s great.” was all he responded with.

“Were you even listening to anything I was saying? Ugh, it’s fine. I’ll just talk to you tomorrow.”

The line went dead before he could even get another word out.

That night, Jake tossed and turned, falling in and out of sleep every half hour or so. When morning came, he had just woken up from an hour stretch. He reached his arm out to wrap around his wife’s torso and was instead met with a cold comforter. This was the first time in forever he’d woken up in his own house, alone. Suddenly, the idea of life without company frightened him. And no matter what he told himself, he couldn’t help but shudder as he thought: “ _This must be how she feels._ ”

Amy came home in the afternoon looking unusually chipper. She was beaming about her work conference, explaining every little detail to her eager children over dinner. After she tucked them in for bed, she found Jake leaning outside their bedroom window, smoking a cigarette.

“I thought you quit.” She said as she began changing for bed. Jake watched her undress in the window’s reflection. His eyes darting over her bare body, a sight that’d become rare to him.

“Last one.” he chuckled as he took one more drag and threw the butt on the sidewalk.

When he turned around, Amy was in only a bra and panties. Jake walked towards her and wrapped her in a hug. He lowered his head into the crook of her neck and breathed in. She didn’t smell like her usual self. It wasn’t a new perfume or the familiar stench of an airplane. It was something… off-putting.

Ignoring it, Jake whispered in her ear, “You are so beautiful.”

He pulled away and lifted her chin for a kiss. Their lips met slowly, reluctantly. It took her a second, but eventually she melted into his arms. The kiss was warm and the most genuine one they’d shared in a while. His mouth traveled down her jaw and towards her neck as she felt his hands fiddling with her bra clasp. She pulled away and pushed back slightly.

“Not tonight, Jake. I’m not in the mood.” was all she said before heading for the bathroom and closing the door.

Figuring he probably wouldn’t be sleeping much, Jake fixed himself a glass of scotch, neat. As he pondered the events of the day, the thought that lingered on him most was the smell in his wife’s hair, on her neck, and all over her lips. Unable to admit to himself what he knew was true, Jake poured himself another glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was super interesting for me to write idk why um 
> 
> i imagine the peralta fam living in like park slope brooklyn. and peyton goes to NYU. i know it's fucked. 
> 
> next chapter has another flashback! yay happy times!!! 
> 
> if anyone is curious, as i wrote the beginning part w the kiddies i was listening to songs like "delicate" by damien rice and "such great heights" by iron & wine. and from when he was on the phone with peyton to the end of the chapter, i was listening to the soundtrack from the movie enemy. idk why but i found the ominous tone v fitting. link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbprZGMD6rg
> 
> also shout out to the alt-j reference somewhere in there
> 
> thanks for reading/kudos/commenting/whatever :)))


	4. Chapter 4

**2015**

 

“You sure you still want to do this?” Jake looked at his new girlfriend. She was biting her lip, her smile held back by worry.

“Yeah, I mean we’ve already called them all in here. It’s too late to turn back now.” Amy let her smile loose, after all it was pretty exciting.

“If this backfires, it was all your idea.”

“Wow, you’re so loving and kind. Thanks, boyfriend.”

Amy and Jake were pulled out of their huddle by the sound of Terry clearing his throat.

“Can we get on with whatever this announcement is? Not that you care Peralta, but we actually have work to do!” Terry added, checking his watch. The rest of the Nine-Nine was gathered in the briefing room, impatiently waiting to get back to whatever it was they were doing last.

“Alright, alright, don’t get your boxers in a bunch.” Jake said as he returned to the podium with Amy at his side. At his comment, Amy gave him an unsuspecting look.

“What?” Jake defended himself, “I’m trying some new catchphrases! Didn’t work?”

Amy shook her head as Charles yelled, “I thought it was hilarious!”

“Thank you, Charles. Alright, anywho, we have a very exciting announcement.” Jake started to say it, but Amy interrupted him, “Seralta is real!”

The precinct stared back, even more confused than before.

Jake pushed down the microphone (that wasn’t even on) as he whispered to Amy, “I thought we agreed on Peraltiago? It sounds a million times more bad-ass.”

“Yeah, but Seralta is so much shorter and more efficient.”

“Peraltiago just rolls off the tongue!”

Terry interjected as people grew impatient, “Uh, what’s Seralta?”

“It’s our ship name. Well, one of our ship names. Peraltiago is so much better, but that’s a whole other story…” Jake realized he was dragging on so he grabbed Amy’s hand in his, placed a kiss on the back, and said: “Basically, we’re dating.”

When people began mumbling and shuffling out, the couple’s electrified expressions began to fade. Did no one give a shit about the happiness they’d found in finally getting together? Did no one care about their cute couple photos they’d taken all around New York? Did no one care about any of it?

Gina spoke up, easing their suspicions with: “That’s what you called us in here for? Oh you clumsy little lambs, we’ve all known for weeks.” Her eyes stayed glued to her texts as she talked.

Amy began to panic, believing her camouflaging abilities weren’t as great as she thought. “What?! How?! We’ve only been dating for 3 and a half weeks!”

“Yeah, and we’ve known for 3.” Rosa sighed as she rose to her feet.

“You two have no idea how hard it has been to keep my mouth shut about knowing. I’ve bit my tongue numb! See!” Charles stuck out his tongue, and it was swollen and covered in sores.

“Ugh, gross Charles,” Jake shuddered, “But how'd you guys know? We were like insanely amazing at hiding it, right Ames?” His hand tightened around hers and he smirked, remembering all the sneaking around they had to do and just how fun it was to keep such a sizable secret.

By this time, Charles, Terry, Gina, and Rosa were standing around the podium.

“Besides Jake coming to work in the same clothes he wore the day before at least once a week? Well, we pretty much figured out your evidence lock-up make out session pattern. On the first day, you went to the evidence lock up at noon, and every day after that it was an hour later than the day before. One of you would leave on the hour, and the other one would leave 8 minutes later. Every day you switch who leaves first. The one who left first came back 32 minutes after the hour, the second one 41 minutes. It was cake.” Rosa finished her spiel with a completely straight face. Terry and Charles were unfazed, and Gina’s fingers never left her keyboard.

Meanwhile, Jake and Amy’s mouths were gaping.

“Jesus H Christ.” Jake muttered, “Next time, I get to make the plan.” He said to Amy, only half joking. But the serious half of the statement faded when he realized there’s not going to be a next time. They won’t ever have to sneak around again. And there wouldn’t be anyone else or anyone new to sneak around with. Amy was it. Her dark taupe hair, her raspberry lips, her big chocolate eyes. They were it. This was it.

“Was that all?” Terry asked.

“Uhm, yeah! I guess so.” Amy spoke with a high, unsure voice, “Business as usual!”

Everyone began walking back to their desks, but stopped when Charles yelled, “WAIT! This is a moment. Group hug it out.”

Jake looked at Amy, rolled his eyes, and walked back towards Charles. Everyone followed and joined in the hug. Rosa bowed out after only a couple seconds, muttering as she left the room. Gina never fully hugged back, her hands and eyes still glued to a small screen. And after Terry left, Charles held on tight to Jake and Amy.

The couple looked at each other, giggling at the small friend who just wouldn’t let go.

“Alright, Charles. I think it’s been at least a decade.” Jake attempted.

But then, a muffled sniffle.

“Boyle. A-Are you crying?!” Amy spoke with genuine concern.

“I’m just so happy!”

Jake and Amy had to pry themselves from Boyle’s grasp before returning to work.

 

**2025**

 

“How’s this?” Amy stepped out of their bedroom bathroom, this time in a different dress than before. It was summery and bright, contrasting with her dark leggings and neutral colored overcoat. It was an average January day in Brooklyn: fucking freezing.

“Great.” was all Jake could respond with, his eyes not leaving his computer screen. He was going over emails from the Bureau, his partner Stolz, Peyton, etc. It was a Sunday, but that didn’t matter. He was always on the job.

“You didn’t even look up.”

“Looks fantastic on you.” His eyes still fixated on scrolling through his inbox.

“God, you’re unbearable. Are you even listening to me? Jacob?”

Jake clicked a couple more times before bending his laptop’s screen, “What?”

“Just tell me what looks better. Grey or black.” Amy was holding up two different scarves.

“Why are you calling me that?” Jake asked, his lips coming together in a smile that was half genuine, half really pissed off.

“Calling you what?” She knew exactly what she’d said.

“C’mon Amy. We don’t need to do this right now.”

“Okay, Jacob.”

It was times like these that Amy really enjoyed getting under her husband’s skin. It made her feel dirty, twisted, but she didn’t care enough to not do it. Ever since he’d started fucking that faceless college girl he knew she knew about, he’d payed less attention to her and her needs. So she picks and picks until he snaps, and he finally starts to show how bad he really feels about himself.

He slammed his computer shut dramatically, and she jumped, only half expecting such an outburst.

“God damnit Amy! You know I fucking hate that.” He was on the verge of yelling now.

She was trying on the grey scarf in the mirror as she responded, “Don’t be childish, Jacob.”

“Me? Childish? You’re the one who’s calling me what my dad used to call me, knowing exactly how I feel about it. It’s not funny, and it’s not going to work this time.”

“He left you, Jacob. And that was decades ago. Stop dwelling on shit from the past! You don’t think I have my own demons? Well, I do! And you don’t see me whining about them, do you?! Just grow up.”

Both scarves were on the ground. Jake and Amy were only inches apart, their anger swelling to become this mass entity that would remain over their heads for the remainder of the day.

“Grow up? Wow. That’s a pretty amazing piece of advice, Ames.” She winced when she heard her nickname spoken with so much disgust, “I mean, look at what you’re doing right now! Look at yourself!”

By then, they were yelling. The babysitter outside sent the twins to the playroom, shut the door, and tightly grasped her cup of tea as she blocked out the noise coming from the bedroom.

Amy bent down to pick up the black scarf and wrapped it around her neck. She turned to face the closet mirror that was broken in one corner. It was from that night last year. Jake was home for the weekend, angry about some case and blind drunk. He was aiming for the mirror, he would never intentionally hurt his wife. She just happened to be standing close by when a couple of shards ended up in her jaw. When he was in the hospital with a badly broken hand, Jake cried. Amy cried. And he apologized and promised to swear off drinking. She’d intended to get a new mirror, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Every time she looked at the thing, it reminded her just how much things needed to change.

She took her husband’s advice and looked at herself. The fact that she looked like the same old Amy Santiago made her heart break. She felt so different, so shouldn’t she look different?

Amy met Jake’s eyes in the mirror when she said, “Well, at least one of us is looking at me.”

Without another word, she left the room. She left to brief the babysitter one more time on where they were going and how she could reach them.

Jake put the grey scarf back on it’s hanger, and closed the closet door. He hated looking at that damn mirror but couldn’t bring himself to mention it to Amy.

He sat down on the bed, dreading the brunch that would soon follow. Sure he missed Charles and Terry, and it would be interesting to see what Gina and Rosa were up to. But he would have to hear Charles and his wife beam about their couples cooking classes. And Terry and his wife would babble on and on about what Cagney and Lacey were up to. Gina would tell the never-ending story of how her boyfriend finally proposed. And Rosa and Marcus would pack on PDA like you wouldn’t believe. Meanwhile, Jake and Amy would lie through their teeth about just how damn happy they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING THIS DARK PIECE OF TRASH
> 
> i intended to write this chapter about the brunch and after the brunch, but i got too caught up in the flashback and then WAY too caught up in what was supposed to be a small argument. ha. ok anyways pls stick with me i know this is so depressing I'm sry but idk I'm trying to write something a little more raw and emotional (not to say that fluff can't be insanely meaningful and emotional), and this is just what's flowin out. i know jake is literally such a fucking asshole for how he treats her, and what amy does by riling him up is kinda sick but there's motive. you'll see.
> 
> side note: that thing about the mirror was not a nod to abuse or anything jake would never ever EVER actually hurt her. the real jake peralta would never do that and this fucked up, 10 year older version of jake would never hurt his wife either, no matter what he's been through. that's not what i meant, the shards hitting her was actually an accident. 
> 
> so next chapter is going to be better bc more will happen and there won't be as much fighting i swear
> 
> pls stick around if u have read this far i love u


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (starts pretty much right where last chapter ended)

**2025**

 

“And this is them on their first day of middle school! We tried to get them to match, but they were REALLY not up for it. But the colors kinda correspond, so I still think it’s the cutest thing in the whole wide world.” Terry beamed as he swiped through the photos of Cagney and Lacey on his wife’s iPhone.

The entire table leaned in, swooning at the new photos of the grown-up girls.

Gina couldn’t help but let out an “aw!”; after getting engaged, she’d matured and become more present. She even left her phone at home from time to time. On purpose.

Rosa and Marcus smirked at each other, lacing their fingers together eagerly. They both knew if kids were still potentially in the picture, they’d have to have that conversation soon.

Charles and his wife, Michelle, had to squeeze each other’s hands in order to keep their mouths shut. They were harboring a secret.

Amy genuinely smiled. The thought of Parker and Holden getting older tugged at her heartstrings.

But then there was Jake. Sure, he’d glanced at the photo, but he was focused on the water sitting in front of him. His fingers tapped impatiently against the glass as his mouth grew dry. His eyes darted around the room, seeming to land only on the mimosas, bellinis, and irish coffees arriving at other tables. It had been over 48 hours since his last drink, his teeth were on edge, and he was starting to break out into a cold sweat.

When looking around the table at his friends’ reactions, Terry noticed Jake. But he didn’t dare comment on it, this was his first time seeing him in about 9 months. It was simply no longer his place.

“Isn’t that just so crazy?! We hadn’t seen each other since you left the Nine-Nine, our kids end up at the same school, and they become friends! That confirms it — it’s fate!” Amy had pulled this schtick a thousand times.. it seemed to be their only talking point. Ever since the Peralta and Jeffords falling out post-Terry-transferring to the Sheriff's department, work wasn’t really a welcomed topic of discussion.

“I know, right? How are they by the way, Parker and Holden?” Sharon chimed in.

“Oh, they’re amazing. Isn’t that right, Jake?” Amy laced her arm with her husbands and tugged gently.

“Best fucking kids in the world. God, I love ‘em.” When Jake spoke, it was like he wasn’t really addressing anyone. And when he was finished, all words continued flying over his head. Jake didn’t notice, but he’d subtlety shaken Amy off of him. It wasn’t anything against her.. he didn’t think… He just didn’t want to be touched right now.

Before Terry could add on, Charles interrupted him with, “I’m so sorry guys, but we simply cannot hold it in any longer. Michelle and I are expecting!”

“Holy crap! Congratulations dude!” Rosa high-fived Charles from across the table.

“That’s insane! How long have you guys known?” Gina asked. Her thumb played with the shiny ring on her fourth finger out of habit.

“Two weeks! Besides my parents, y’all are the first to know!” Michelle was quite literally glowing, her Virginian accent laced with excitement. They weren’t exactly the youngest parents on the block, but that didn’t matter to them. They’d been trying for at least 3 years now, and their dream was finally coming true.

“I know Gina doesn’t want kids,” Gina confirmed this by mimicking a fake gag, “but maybe for us, in the future, what have you been doing during the early stages of the pregnancy?” Marcus asked.

Amy felt a pang of disappointment from her past. No one was interested in pregnancy when Jake and Amy had their twins. While Jake went to work, Amy binged watched 12 different TV shows and learned how to keep up a conversation in French. She just wished she’d gotten just a smidge more attention from her peers, but as she looked back on the past, those were the good days. Some of the best, in fact. Back then, Jake was still his high school’s class clown, Amy was a satisfied neat-freak, and things were.. simple.

“Well, the couples cooking classes really payed off! We’ve been reading a lot of online parenting blogs, mostly the articles about the best pregnancy super foods. So, a couple days ago, Tuesday I think it was?” Charles looked over at his wife for confirmation.

“Wednesday, baby.” she corrected him.

“Wednesday! Anyways, I made the most killer homemade, organic nut butter. Supposed to be so good for mother and child! The fat is critical for the baby’s brain development. A little cashew, almonds, walnuts, a shaving or two of macadamia…”

Jake had stopped listening to the conversation long ago. So long ago, his ears were no longer picking up on what anyone was saying. Instead, he continued to stare down the bar, littered with luxurious bottles that were way too expensive. He pulled up his glass of water to take a swig, but it was empty. Dammit. He wanted to hurl the glass towards the floor, but he kept his cool.

The sound of blood swooshing around Jake's ear drums grew louder and louder until he could only hear a high pitched, unsettling humming. His head began to ache. He would do anything to make it stop, rip off his ears, shove forks in them, anything.

The noise came to a very sudden stop when Jake looked up, realizing he had his head in his hands, and they were drenched in sweat. The sounds of the posh restaurant flooded back into his ears, except the conversation had been put on hold. Amy had been repeatedly saying Jake’s name, trying to get his attention as the table looked on in unease.

“Huh?” Jake pushed his glasses up his nose.

“You okay sweetheart?” For a second Amy was reassuring and actually calmed him down, but he looked closer, seeing how embarrassing he was actually being.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just.. one second. Continue your, uh...“

He had to do something about this. His head was reeling and the trickling sweat was becoming distracting. A waiter was just passing behind him when Jake spun around and grasped onto his arm, hard. He'd thought that his friends had continued their conversation, but in actuality, he was a deer in headlights.

“Can you bring me a glass of your best single malt scotch? You know what? Second best. Like anything in the eight to ten dollar range… Fuck it. Surprise me.” Jake spoke in a not too hushed whisper, his words came out fast, rolling off his tongue.

“Jesus, Jake, it’s 10:30 in the morning.” Amy’s false smile had completely disintegrated.

The waiter was still standing there, awkwardly staring at the couple. “Make it on the rocks then? And with a twist? Thanks… Max.” His name tag clearly said Matt.

“Sweetie, don’t you think it’s a bit too early for a drink?” her loving wife tone of voice had grown strained.

When Jake was formulating a response, Charles said, “Yeah, bud.”

With his leg tapping underneath the table, he ran a hand through his damp hair. “Well, shit. I’m a grown man, I can make my own fucking decisions.” he laughed when he spoke, as if it was some kind of joke, “Unless you want me sitting here with a screaming headache. Is that what you want? I can call Max back over and cancel it.”

“His name is Matt.”

Jake seemed extremely taken aback by his wife’s comment, “What?”

“His name is Matt.” This time slower.

Just like that, the waiter returned with a pristine glass adorned with an orange peel. The brown liquid sparkled among ice as Jake’s mouth began to water.

“Holy shit that was fast. Fucking gorgeous, Max. Bravo.” The waiter rolled his eyes at the condescending tone, promptly leaving.

“You’re doing that thing with the cursing again.” Amy said. She’d meant for it to be under her breath, but it was much louder. And by then, their argument had taken over the entire table. All their friends could do was sit back and give each other pleading glances.

“The hell are you talking about?” On this, Jake’s phone began loudly buzzing in his pocket.

“God, you are such a child.” This time, she’d actually muttered it. But Jake, and everyone else, had heard it.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, his face lighting up when he saw the contact.

“I’m SO sorry, but I’ve got to take this.” Jake spoke directly to wife in the most patronizingly disgusting voice imaginable. But before he rose from the table, he downed the entire glass of scotch in one go.

He put it down as he picked up the call and took it outside, “Stolz! You son of a bitch! How’d you get them to give you your phone back? Still interviewing? ... You fucking animal, you!”

Amy glanced around the table at her friends, wallowing in awkward silence. Gina had stopped thumbing her ring. Rosa and Marcus had unlaced their fingers. Terry sat back, his eyes glued to the floor. Charles and his wife’s entire energy had been drained.

She felt so.. guilty.

“I’m sorry guys. I don’t… I guess.. I-I’ll go deal with this.” Now she was the deer in headlights, "But I’ll.. um, call you guys! Charles and Michelle, congratulations again! Gina, I want to hear all about the planning. And I just hope everything’s good for you all. I-I’m sorry. But.. okay..” her clumsy, rushed speech dissipated into the dead air as she grabbed her purse and threw on her coat as she headed for the double doors.

It probably should’ve been a sigh of relief to have those two gone. But the table of old friends stared out the large windows as Amy confronted Jake outside.

It was like watching a silent film. Amy made demands as her face grew redder. Jake hung up the phone, and outmatched her expressions. Amy’s anger suddenly transformed to bitter laughter as her hands became more involved. She was gesturing to their friends, the spectators. Then, they were silent for a while, their short breaths evident in the freezing cold air. Then, Jake reached into his inner coat pocket and retrieved a metal flask. He chugged the liquid for 4 or 5 seconds before meeting Amy’s eyes again. For a second, the anger was gone. It had been replaced by desolation. Her eyes started to well up as the fury returned; she pushed him back 3 or 4 times, each one harder than the last. Jake looked back in confusion: their fights had never gotten physical. Not like this. She had _wanted_ to hurt him, even if only for a minute. Suddenly, Jake engulfed her in a bear hug. Her arms stayed at her chest, and at first, she fought back. But his hands were locked. He buried his head in the crook of her neck as her arms became still, and found their resting place against his chest. A few tears fell down her beet red cheeks before she brought herself back to reality. They weren’t at home, they were on some sidewalk in Park Slope. Amy gathered herself before pushing out of the hug, wiping her tears, and taking off. Flask still in hand, Jake watched her as she walked away.

The seven remaining friends ate their food in silence, unsure of where to go from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading!!
> 
> so i'm back and i'm still rly into this story, so if you were before i hope u still are!
> 
> i don't have much to say but like i hate jake in this story but i love writing him. and i feel so bad for amy oh my god but she has her own problems and shit that will be revealed! i have a pretty good idea of where this story will go so i'll be updating more frequently. hopefully finishing by 10-12 chapters. i'm sorry if it's so depressing now if anything i hope it's compelling, bc there will be more cute flashback moments (probably next chapter) and lighter moments in the present so stay tuned hah
> 
> pls comments and shit would be loovovveeeedd
> 
> thanks for reading :)
> 
> side note: writing that silent fight was rly interesting/fun idk why but anyways i listened to ryan goslings cover of you always hurt the ones you love and it was it V fitting. so i guess kinda inspired by blue valentine? its a great movie if u haven't seen it!!!!!!! ok bye see u soon!


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